Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of

Hello!

This is my last update in English, I promise. I just need a little more time to myself so I can start thinking in Finnish more instead of in English.

Three days have passed. No jobs have materialized and unless I go to work at McDonald's or Hungry Jack's the status quo in Hobart is likely to remain. One of my applications has regrettably been denied, but I haven't heard anything from the others.

But it's all right. I've already spent 12 of my 35 days in Tasmania and I have finally found some time for myself. On Tuesday I went ahead and bought myself a basketball for $10. I walked down towards Sandy Bay to check out the court there and to do some shooting. It was nice and all, but my mind wandered and I thought about our summer house and Finland a lot. I also got redder in my face, but it didn't properly burn.

Also on Tuesday I went to the movies. The State Cinema in North Hobart was showing Winter's Bone, which had been ranked #2 for the year at FilmDrunk. It wasn't bad, really realistic actually, but I wasn't as into it as I had expected. A very well acted movie that is worth looking into, especially if you like to sprinkle some indie fare between your blockbuster movies.

I was planning on going hiking on Wednesday but it was Ms. S's last day in Hobart so I decided to hang around to spend some time with her. She took a local bus to Cygnet where she's doing volunteer work for a week and cherry picking after that. Our current posse of me and the three Germans, walked with her to the bus stop to see her off. I hugged her tightly and she promised to call me and complain about the place.

It was nice to have find a friend like her but now that she's gone I don't feel as much pressure to hang out with the others, wasting my time picking my nose and stretching my [CENSORED]. And to he honest, the further away I go and the more time I spend away from the hostel, the better I feel.

Yesterday I bought a Chris Jericho DVD because I found out I was going to save at least $46 if not more on accommodation by paying for six of seven nights. Why I didn't get this deal earlier? Apparently I should've asked for it.

Today after finishing the documentary on the DVD I headed out to Hungry Jack's for dinner. After that I took more time for myself by locating the local Fitzroy Gardens almost next to HJ's. There I just lay on the grass (with sunscreen) and enjoyed the moment. That's when it hit me.

All the pressure to find work and all the anxiousness to get away from here had been put on me by yours truly. I'm also a person who for the last 4-5 years has been trying to do as much significant and entertaining stuff as possible every single day and moment. For example, I've said goodbye to broadcast television and to watching shows like "Funniest Home Videos", "Big Brother" or even "News". Sitting down on a couch and watching whatever is on has been almost impossible. This is something that some of my closest friends can attest to.

Also my threshold for social situations that aren't "fun" or "not boring" has been very low. That might sound normal but swap the word fun for "laugh-out-hilarious" and "not boring" for "crazily engaging" or "extremely comfortable" and you're much closer to the reality of how I felt. Too often I've barely made it out of the house to meet some friends before wanting to be back home with my games and movies again.

But I've longed for the ability to properly do nothing again. Even in Melbourne instead of just sitting down in one of the many gardens and parks I almost paced through them looking for the next place to see. But today I finally found regained some of that ability.

I lay on the grass of Fitzroy Gardens for more than an hour with only my thoughts and some music to entertain me. It felt great. When I got back from the park I was able to concentrate on reading "Tell-All" by Chuck Palahniuk, something that felt impossible just a few days ago. After dinner I headed out again to shoot some hoops on probably the better of the two outdoor courts in the city. Basketball is a great game and there's so many things you can do just by yourself on the court. I spent another hour just doing basic stuff with the ball and the hoop.

Tomorrow I might finally go hiking on Mt. Wellington but if I don't, I'll probably walk down to the beach at Sandy Bay or somewhere else as nice and do nothing.

And that is okay.